This kinda came to me because I went out to eat with my dad and his lady friend. I'm not sure if your in late 40's that its ideal to tag someone a girl/boyfriend. Oh yeah...if you didn't know my age like it clearly doesnt state in my bio, its 21 and sexy. You damn right!
Ok...so here is how last night plays out.
So he asks me to get the address from google for a hometown buffet in a close by city. I do it thinking he just wants the address. So we cut out and he starts the car up asking me which exit he should get off which contributes to the fact that he is unsure which way to go really. I just give him the name of the st and sum numbers (which obviously mean nothing at this point). He takes off and his lady friend I'll dub as tinkerbelle or tink to save more time start a lil small talk convo about the ensuing daylight savings time. My dad gives his spill of what he was told as a kid or what have you "I was told that just because the sun is still up that i better have my butt back in the house. The regular rule of being in before the street lights come on doesnt apply right now." Then like my dad seldom does, he changed the conversation over to sports, my little brother in sports, then to me in sports growing up. That was even more random because it went from football to basketball in a blink of an eye. My dad accredited himself in training me extra (which I hated) to what he felt he should do. He took credit for the first time I dunked and how everyone marveled at me & even then he was taking the credit under my feet. hahaha This man keeps himself alive that way I think so I leave it alone. I can hear him now," Yeah! I had Eddie running the stairs at the university and jumping rope. When he dunked, he didnt even know he got that high and it surprised him. I knew he could do it". The convo if you can call my dad rambling a "convo" turned for the worse when he discussed how I fell off so to speak. I made Varsity as a freshman but on the count of I was a freshman, I couldnt rightfully play at that level. So I had to settle for Frosh team and I killed the competition. Totally dominated. With that year over, i pursued Varsity and made the team but got no playing time and that slowly deteriorated my love before my eyes. Thanks a lot dad for bringing that up. It did give me something to think about but to tell this to Tink is a little unnecessary whether it be small talk or not you know.
So we are now looking for the place and its amongst a mall like plaza community. This place is full of restaurants and stores jam packed. I take heed to spot a military person with notable features such as a garrison cap. I quickly asses that he is a Air Force Airman and I quickly realize that this place is the richest in the area. i know how us military folk spend money like its nothing and this just so happen to be a military money fed town of interest. We drive around looking for like 10 minutes and this place is waaaaaay in the back. Like for real for real. My dad hands me a coupon that crunches the price in half for two people at a time even though Im alone. We walk in and I get behind them and they pay for theyre meal and there is a slight discrepancy that altercated but I wasnt really paying attention. All I could think of is how much the MC looked like an ex of mine. They go off and I pay for my meal. The MC and I make a lil chit chat about how the coupon considers 2 people get in on this deal and I make the obvious more obvious.
I set my coat around the back of a chair where my dads coat was located. I go wash my hands in the bathroom where a guy is like either wackin off or having penis problems in the reflection of the mirror above the sinks. He was a big slow looking guy so...anythings is plausible. I go grab a plate and try some pizza, a calzone, mac & cheese, and some fried chicken. I notice that the beverage section offers ICEE'S aka a slurpee. I pour some up in a cup and go to town on the food accompanied with frequent brain freezes. The whole time I was feeling eyes on me and it was like my dad was judging how the food was tasting to me by the expressions on my face. I made hardly any. I was like in my zone...blank of all emotions yet he was quite curious. I go for another round with this new dish I never seen or heard of; jalepeno.
My dad looks at his plate and realizes he got too much to eat. Oddly enough he is a rather large guy. He says" Whoo! Im cant even eat like I want to." Tink chimes in with "Why not?". At that time I go back for more of what I got the last time plus a calzone. At this point I am pushing my food limits and I can barely keep my posture walking back & forth to the table. The damage is done and I feel the most attributed food is the cheesy pizza...I can feel it just like a gooey expansion along my stomach walls. My dad is done at this point and is just looking around commenting about people making small talk with Tink. This is where it gets weird and funny. My dad "If I only had a lil more room, I would be all over the peanut butter cookies but I just cant do it". Tink asks" You act like we ate something before we came here. Or did you eat something sweet already?". There is a long pause and Im all ears because I am too busy doing seat stretches trying to free up some room inside my gullet. I clearly here my dad say " Oh yeah...". It isnt the fact that this is all lost in translation but rather the way my dad says it and what his body language suggested which I saw from the corner of my eye. I take a second to think about it. After about 2 minutes I am finding it easy to laugh uncontrollably into my lap. No one says a thing to me though. Not even to know what it is that I find funny. So if this whole dinner was based on my dad eating out this fugly chicks pussy, that makes me an accomplice. Guilty by association. I feel so betrayed and affected yet this laugh burned enough calories to give me the strength to graduate to desserts which I chow down a leche cake, ice cream con strawberries, and a bushel of cookies to go for later.
At this point, my company is just waiting and watching me pig out literally. i finish up and I give the tip to our waitress with a little spanish resonance. We chopped it up a bit in spanish and she was mostly surprised a light skin black guy knew spanish. To me, thats not too hard to believe but potato, tomato. My dad runs into some lady he knows. They get all social and stuff and I slip by as I have no time to stand up but more to lay down. I'm so full that I may actually throw up. I realize how I would have to be aware of the ride home to reduce the chances off letting lose on a sharp corner of speed bump. My dad goes right back into small talk and then the only notable thing is that he realizes that me and my brothers birthdays are all on odd days. 7,13, & 21. I think about my actual birthday 11/7/1989. I figure that 89 is probably odd too and that that fact is pretty neat yet stupid.
We get home, Tink says g'bye, and I lay out on my bed. I have had stranger things happen to me but this felt noteworthy. My dad doesnt surprise me much but Im sure everybody can relate.
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